Heatwave in Japan kills 11 people

Heatwave in Japan kills 11 people

Sorry gang, I have been taking a little vacation to myself these past few days and wow have the news roll in.

Well apparently Japan just have its own Dayton. Instead of a shooter, Japan decided to be like any other normal countries that have unexpected high death count, by choosing natural disaster. VIVRE L’ESTATE-UNIS AM I RIGHT! Hey stay away from my hunting gun folks, instead of deer I like to hunt Primates of the Homo Sapiens variety.

President: Oh no! It’s terrible there’s 3 SHOOTINGS IN A ROW. What shall we do, cabinet members?
Cabinet Member #1: Well Mr. President I propose stricter
President: SILLY BUTT
Cabinet Member #1: ….gun laws. What?????
President: ALRIGHT CABINET Mem. #1, YOU ARE FIRED
Cabinet Member #1: Sir, I have name
President: Alright alright alright. Mr. Priebus, please hand in your resignation letter
Cabinet Member #1: Sir, that’s not my name
President: uh…….. Ok Mr. Flyn YOU ARE FIRED! I got to say your service is a 3/5 stars, unlike me who is totally a. 5/5 stars
Cabinet Member #1: ….That’s not my name sir. You know what, I don’t even know my name anymore. You have fired so much folks, last time I walk onto the lawn some goddamn liberals call me Mr. Spicer and said that they were making Rabbit Stew. FUCK IT I’M OUT walks out
President: Wow. He had, MAD MAD ANGER ISSUES
Cabinet Member #2: Well sir, we can say that the El Paso shooter was not right in the head.
President: PERFECT! THAT’S WHAT I LIKE TO HERE. THe MENTAL HEALTH CARD, ALWAYS DROWN OUT THE LIBERALS CRAZY CALL FOR GUN CONTROL
Cabinet Member #3: I heard from fake news CNN that the Dayton Shooter had a very liberal twitter. He was a Bernie Sanders
President: Nutty Professor
Cabinet Member #3: My bad he was Nutty Professor Supporter and um
President: Don’t you say the wrong thing….
Cabinet Member #3: Sacagawea? Wait shiz, the other indian…. Uh…. POCOHONTAS!
President: PERFECTO. CNN is doing a FINE JOB CRUSHING MY ENEMIES. I CAN TOTALLY TRUMP UP SLEEPY JOE IN THE NEXT ELECTION
Cabinet Member #4: Yes sir but what about the Garlic Festival Shooting?
President: I will tell my awesome NEW PRESS SECRETARY TO SAY. The shooter was a VAMPIRE!
Cabinet Member #4: But sir that’s not factual
President: Cabinet Member #4. When have we ever cared about being Factual?
Cabinet Member #4: Oh yeah…..

Anyways ahem ahem back to the Japanese news, oh yes a heat wave kill 11 people. This is of course all part of the upward trend in temperatures due to climate change. Apparently July 2019 and June 2019 average temperatures was the hottest on the record. Already over 5K people in Japan have been sent to the hospital on heat related illness, most of them were old people. This thursday, most of Japan can see temperatures around 86-98.6 degrees. That’s Fahrenheit by the way cause I am not a metric system cuck. Oh well let’s be honest here climate change and gun issues are very extraordinarily similiarly handled at least in the US. I think I have got the process down by now…

1) Crocodile Tears- Say stuff like “It is a sad day” or “I emphatize with those parents that lost a child, or child that lost a parent today”
2) Distract the main focus- “It’s a MENTAL HEALTH ISSUE!!!”
3) WIN BIG MONEY!- Withdraw from the Paris Climate Accords