OOOH MY! It's time to become E! Tabloids!

OOOH MY! It’s time to become E! Tabloids!

Alright gang it’s that time of the night. It’s time for this website to turn into a tabloid gossip news real quick. We have three piece of news, all concerning JYP and two concerning TWICE members.

1) Jihyo and Kang Daniel DISPATCHed!

Ok gosh dang, I must say DISPATCH although dick heads for invading privacy, I got to say they are reliable as fuck. WAY WAY MORE RELIABLE than these OTHER AMERICAN TABLOIDS. Dispatch over the weekend took some juicy pictures of Jihyo getting out of a car to meet up with Kang Daniel. Apparently the couple have been dating ever since January, I guess JYP Entertaiment forgot the monthly payment of the bribe fee so that Dispatch will stay silent. JYP Entertainment confirmed the relationship as news broke….

Jihyo’s agency JYP Entertainment and Kang Daniel’s agency KONNECT Entertainment commented, “They are currently meeting with interest in each other.”- Soompi

Meanwhile the CEO of KONNECT Entertainment is nowhere to be found. Yes that’s right in the when the CEO is needed most to confirm the news about his one and only artist ex-Wanna One’s Kang Daniel HE DISAPPEAR. I last heard he was going on a date with his girlfriend or something hmmmmmm.

Anyways while Jihyo is getting much more support from Knetizens, ahem ex-Wanna One Kang Daniel…. Uhhh…. yeah not so much….. His debut song is now dropping on charts!

Even TWICE know off the relationship for one member was the one who drove Jihyo to her date. Wait a second, Jihyo can’t drive?? Well at least we know it wasn’t Tzuyu, she drives exclusively a bulldozer.

I would write a play according to this but a reddit user “RedVelvetGod” already beat me to it….

I’m imagining a Kdrama of him having a split personality where his CEO and idol side are different, and he blacks out whenever one of them switches and takes over the body and can’t remember when the other takes over.

CEO Kang dated Jihyo first, but Idol Kang got the first kiss.

Jihyo thinks CEO is hotter and more attractive, but Idol Kang is who she thinks about the most throughout the day and fits her ideal type.

An internal war inside Kang brews, he feels confused as to which side is his true side and feels frustrated, like he’s sharing a girlfriend with another man.

Jihyo, who loves both sides, questions whether or not she can handle dating two different men with her busy schedule. She also wonders which side of him is the side that she’s truly in love with.

What will our hero and heroine do? Find out tonight, airing on TvN and in real life the new drama series “Dating Twice a Day” starring Kang Daniel and Park Jihyo

South Korean Government: Hehehehehee, yes yes be distracted disappears

Wait what was that????? Uh….. ok I thought I heard something. Anyways ONWARDS!!


2) Heechul GREATEST CON??!!!

Oh yes, Super Junior Heechul known for being humorous is CONNING US ONCE AGAIN! Apparently there is now reports that TWICE’s Momo maybe romantically involve with Heechul. The report claim that the these two people have been at it for TWO YEARS. It’s not like these two haven’t have rumours before, since Heechul been saying that he has a crush on Momo for a while now on various variety shows, but everybody thought it was a joke……

Well JYP Entertainment and Super Junior Label call the report “BULLSHIZZZ” which many people are taking as actual confirmation that the news is not true. I mean JYP just confirm Jihyo, so why not this one? What they forget is, Jihyo is different from Momo who is Japanese in the midst of souring relations between South Korea and Japan. SM Entertainment is also “looking into the news” but for now it remains to be seen if Homo will be a thing.

Wow Mr. Heechul nice calling your shots man! You remind me of the fable Sir Lee Seung Gi and his pining for SNSD’s Yoona back in the good old days. Meanwhile please enjoy this very accurate google translation that I got when I jokingly ran the report under the translator tool….

OH SHIZ MR. HEECHUL? TWO YEARS IN A ROW?? BRO, WHAT A GOD! YO THE STAMINA WHAT THE FUC! Apparently now he’s top of Twitter trends along with Momo. The song “Sweet Dreams” from 2016 is also climbing on the charts. Suprise, that song showcase a “shy Heechul” asking out the lead lady in the music video. GUESS WHO THE LEAD LADY IS??

Source: 1, 2

South Korean Government: YASSSSS YASSSSSS BE DISTRACTEDDDDDDDDDD disappears

Wait what the heck?? Did any of you heard that??? This is giving me the chills


3) 15& dies. Wait did anyone knew who they were?

It has been reveal that the two member group 15& is now officially DEAD. Park Ji Min has refused to resigned I mean re-signed with JYP Entertainment. We have no idea what her partner in crime Baek Yerin is going to do but 15& is now officially done for. The girl group/duo was debuted in 2012 and was suppose to actually serve as a bridge from Miss A to TWICE. Well they were a little known group anyways, never quite got off…. Yes ladies and gents lets revise the order of JYP girl groups which actually goes: Wonder Girls -> Miss A -> 15& -> TWICE -> ITZY. Big RIP, and the sad part is they won’t be missed except by a few niche fans….

Source: 1

Wow covering that sad disbandment news really piut things into perspective. Why did so many dating scandals/news got out lately??? Like bro, TWICE is huge it would be like dropping dating scandals about BTS. I wonder what the news cycle in Korea is trying to cover up….???

South Korean Government: Wait SHIZ. WAIT WRONG NEWS WRONG NEWS, PANIC PANIC WE ARE ABOUT TO BE DISCOVERED!! NOO GIVE ME SOME JUICY NEWS ABOUT BTS

Me: Wait SHIZ WAS IT YOU ALL THIS TIME SOUTH KOREAN GOVERNMENT DISAPPEARING AND REAPPEARING
SKG: OH SHIZ, HE’S ON TO US. TAKE THIS!!! SEOUL TOWN ROAD!
Me: Wow Oppa RM is so hawt…. WAIT A SECOND!
SKG: NOOOOO, JUNGKOOK AND IU???? ANYTHING ANYTHING!!!

Ahem supposedly there is a long running tradition in Korea that everytime there some thing that the government wishes to cover up, they release dating news of idols in order to distract the public. Sadly, it actually usually works, even sites like NAVER also actively participate in government fuck-ups cover ups.

Well you see, recently North Korea just launched another ballistic missile which cause widespread panic. This is an important detail we will come back too in a little bit.

So, Japan and South Korea were never on the best terms. South Korea or should I say ALL OF KOREA hates Japan for steamrolling them back in WW2 and for killing a lot of Koreans during Hideoyoshi failed Korean Invasions. Recently, the relations have soured and nobody quite knows why, or at least nobody reported on it. Anyways, South Korean economy is facing a down turn as of now, which is normal if anyone knows about the Business Cycle. Japan though, has always have more of a powerhouse economy than Korea even though Korea has a big economy.

Entertain me on this analogy, South Korea has a 6 inch dingus, which is bigger than the Asian average of 5 inch. BUT, Japan got the ABC (HA THE ASIAN REPLY TO THE BLACK COMMUNITY BBC! EAT IT, I MEAN SUCK IT!) of 10 inch dingus!!!! South Korea has always saw this disreprancy as a threat and recently President Moon expressed his desired to unite with North Korea by way of economy. Well this drew harsh criticism from Knetizens and other government officials who isn’t all too happy with the North Koreans. Although many Koreans like the idea of reunification, neither the North and the South have a method. Also those critics of President Moon were quick to point out that those North Koreans would only drag the South economy down and not upgrade it to fight back the economic disreprancy. They aren’t wrong, for West Germany went under a period of brief economic downturn when reunification happen before Germany as a whole bloom again.

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