Near the beginning of the year 2020 AD (CE cause apparently it’s the BC term) receive word that a large tribe, the Pledians, have uprooted from their hometown and were migrating west away from the Land of the Netizens. Sadly the Pledians route was going to cut through trans-BigHit Gaul. Fearing for the worst, the Imperator Bang Si Hyuk mobilize his troops, the ARMY, to the edge of BigHit territories. Seeing 6 large, rabid, very bipolar, loyal, and possibly prepubescent legions, the Pledians sent a messenger to officially request that they be allow to cut through BigHit lands for just a teeny tiny bit. Imperator Bang had received the official request, but decide to play hard to get and ghosted the Pledians for about a week. After the said week had passed, Bang sent a messenger to the Pledians camp announced “ANI ANI ANI. Pledians Michin!!!! Pledians more like PLEBIANS dab dab dabbles”. The Pledians were upset at the denial but when they came out of their hiding spots, saw that Imperator Bang and his possibly-prepubscent troops have created what can only be describe as “a HUGE WALL. A great big beautiful wall. The greatest wall to keep out the…. Pledians”. The Pledians then said “Ani=Ye” and decided to converge in an attempt to overwhelm the prepubescent defenders. Alas they were too strong and the Pledians bowing in defeated travel North instead.
Receiving word that a massive Pledians migration was heading their way, nomadic tribes such as IS-Zone send BigHit an urgent request to help out. Some tribes were not so lucky like the Pristine tribe which was crushed by the Pledians before any help could be received. Imperator Bang swiftly moved out, and using his immense prepubescent ARMY, an elite core of troops that specialize in cyber-bullying I mean cyberwarfare, began to dismantled Pledians one by one. The Pledians ran home crying but this harsh and rude defeat, this shame was not going to be easily forgotten!
In the same year, the Pledians began to organize under a barbaric chief/king by the name of Han Sung Soo. At the time when nomadic tribes were partying it up with Imperator Bang thanking him for his support in expelling the barbaric invaders, the barbaric king Han Sung Soo brought the Pledians to cross into the trans-BigHit Gaul. This time the nomadic tribe IS-ZONE couldn’t even send for help and were quickly annihilated and forced to serve the Pledians and send tributes to them instead of their BigHit masters. Angry the Imperator Bang moved out with his massive possibly prepubescent force again and requested, by sending a message through cyberspace, to meet this upstart barbaric king on neutral ground. The barbaric king sent a reply basically saying “nah nah boo boo catch me if you can!!”. Imperator Bang angrily reply with a tone of a parent “do you really want to do this? My ARMY has their phones ready to access cyberspace at my beck and call” and the ballsy quite gangsta barbaric king reply with another message saying “hey mind your own business and we mind ours beetch”. After a nasty back and forth in cyberspace, the two decided to meet, bringing their 10 most trusted soldiers along. At the meeting Imperator Bang told the barbaric king “let my 12 little people go” but the barbaric king, taken with this dashing thicc of a man, decided that he must have Imperator Bang for a wife – some historians question whether it was actually love at first sight or that the barbric King had something more insidious in his mind because during this time his first wife was living among the IS-ZONE tribes and extracting more of their wealth than what the amount agreed upon in the tribute contract so if he had a second wifey living among the IS-ZONE tribes….. KA CHINGGGGGGGG. The barbaric king said aloud how he was going to abduct Imperator Bang and how he was going to treat him well from now on (to be honest there were a lot of Imperator in the Republic of KPop like Lee, Park, and most aggressively Yang that would have been happy to see Imperator Bang gone!). A skirmish broke out between the soldiers but in the end, Imperator Bang escaped! Seething at his lost fortun….. I mean love, the barbaric king Han send a message through cyberspace the very next day saying “sorry hon, I mean babe, I mean ahem general that we couldn’t come to an agreement. Please come over to have some dinner and red wine with me tonight, I want to talk about releasing those IS-ZONE hostages I mean nomads”. Sensing that this request was actually a DATE and going to it would mean giving his consent to, well at least to the Republic of KPop, unspeakable things, Imperator Bang decided to disguise one of his prepubescent ARMY soldier to go in his stead reasoning that if this was an actual date and hubba hubba was going to happen later even if unwanted by the soldier, at least it’s 1) not unspeakable and pretty straight fire, 2) even if it’s unwanted hubba hubba, it’s basically the norm in the Empire of KPop (with little if any punishment for the perpetrator of the hubba hubba). Imperator Bang sound reasoning proved to be true!
Now pissed off he wouldn’t be getting a new source of wealth I mean love, the barbaric king Han deployed for battle along with Imperator Bang. Strangely though, nothing happened for the next two days but little tiny skirmishes that broke out. Imperator Bang luckily got his hands on one of the Pledians soldiers and under intense interogration, was told by the Pledian soldier that barbaric king Han had made some poor financial decisions and therefore did not have enough resources as of the moment to ensure a deciminating victory. The poor financial decisions seem to have been telling the council of moneygivers and citizens back in his homeland that he was taking a new wife which mean new wealth I mean no…. and therefore stock had risen in anticipation. When the event didn’t come to pass, the stock quite literally came crashing down and the council of moneygivers had told the king that while they can fix his fiduciary crisis but it was going to have to take them a couple of days. This piece of news immensely pleased Imperator Bang and so he send a message directly to sub-Imperator Nam to mobilize his frenzy ARMY and destroy the Pledians once and for all! The rest of which is history…..
Plot Summary: BigHit acquired Pledis Entertainment but come on, you can’t deny that the tale above was way more interesting than if I have said “BigHit acquired Pledis Entertainment” and ended the article right there. It’s HISTORICAL FICTION by the way, a parody of an ACTUAL REAL LIFE EVENT. Anyways as a prize for making at the end of the tale, here’s a image of Imperator Bang glory….
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